You. More of You.

As I kneel down by my bed at the end of a long day, as I sit down in my office and close my eyes, as I pause before entering a classroom to discipline a child, as I drive out to Casa Monte Plata on my pasola, I bow my heart to pray.

I begin to pray, and the only words that come are "You. You, Lord. You. More of You." For the past several weeks, my heart was literally unable to pray anything else. The only words that came to my mind or my lips every time I wanted to pray were "You. More of You."

At first I thought that I was just lacking motivation. Then I thought about my life, the things I was trying to pray about, the experiences I was processing, and I knew that I definitely wasn't at a fault for significant reasons to pray. Then I thought that maybe I was just having a mental block and if I journaled a little more, different words would come. They didn't. "You. More of You God." That was the only thing my heart was able to say.

Finally I began to meditate on those words and actually, meaningfully pray them.

• When you proudly send a young woman away from your residential facility and into the real world, "You. More of You, God." Give more of Yourself to her as she navigates these huge changes and more of Yourself to her family here who is left behind.

• When you feel attacked and betrayed in a meeting and you don't know whether it's a personal, cultural, lingual, or professional misunderstanding, "You. More of You, God." I need more of You to understand this situation and respond in the way that You would. 

• When you say prepare to say the goodbye that no one talks about when a ministry partner and friend leaves the field, "You. More of You, God." Give us more of You to fill the holes that are left when You call your children somewhere else. 

• When you are holding on for dear life as transition-after-change-after-transition rocks your stable, comfortable grasp on life, "You. More of You, God." I've been holding on to steadiness of safety instead of looking for more of You. Give me You, God, no matter where it takes me. 

• When you try to look into an uncertain, unknown future and can barely see past the next few days, "You. More of You, God." Help more of You be enough to lead me to just the next step and no further, Lord. 

I waited patiently for the Lord;

     He inclined to me and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction,

     out of the miry bog,

and set my feet upon a rock,

     making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth,

     a song of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear,

     and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man who makes

     the Lord his trust,

who does not turn to the proud,

     to those who go astray after a lie!

You have multiplied, O Lord my God,

     Your wondrous deeds and Your thoughts towards us;

     none can compare with You!

I will proclaim and tell of them,

     yet they are more than can be told. 

-Psalm 40:1-5