Celebrating Mother's Day in a Church Full of Orphans

How many orphans under the age of 25 were present during your church's Mother's Day celebration?

Today I sat in a church service celebrating Dominican Mother's Day, surrounded by 10 children and young adults whose mothers have passed away (4 of whom lost their mothers within the past year) and another 15 who do not live with their mothers for reasons including abandonment, abuse, mental illness, and extreme poverty. In addition to those 25, there are 4 other girls who stayed home today because going to church on Mother's Day is too painful for them since the loss of their mothers. 

I watched as these children and young people wiped tears from their eyes as we sang songs about moms. I watched them lower their eyes when mothers were named and honored from the pulpit. I watched them put their arms around each other in silence and give an understanding nod. 

You might ask - Isn't that torture? Shouldn't the church be more sensitive? Shouldn't more acknowledgment be given to those children on Sundays like today? Don't they deserve more than a line in a prayer asking for comfort and peace?

I'm going to tell you something.

You're asking the wrong questions.

Look back at the first question at the top of this blog entry - How many orphans under the age of 25 were present during your church's Mother's Day celebration?

If your answer was 0, or if you had to struggle to think of one or two orphans (by death, abandonment, or abuse), then I respectfully and humbly suggest that your church has bigger questions to be asking than those which invoke judgment on a congregation that is following Christ's command to love and care for orphans. 

We are imperfect people trying to fulfill a perfect God's purposes in the world. That means that we imperfectly try to care for orphans. We imperfectly try to be sensitive and end up saying the wrong things. We imperfectly try to provide orphans with families, house-parents, and church families that will never fully take the place of their biological families. But the key word there is "try." God's call to care for orphans is not optional. He even goes as far as to call it "pure and faultless religion," - the call to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (James 1:27) The world says that orphans aren't our responsibility. The world says that it's the government's job to look out for orphaned, abused, and abandoned children. We fault government agencies and child protective services for imperfectly doing the job that God calls His own people to do. We pass off the responsibility because it's easy to look the other way. But I refuse to be polluted by the world's beliefs about God's unmistakable call to the Church. I refuse to accept the lie that orphan care is not for everyone. If you have received adoption into the family of Christ as I have, your response to God's gracious gift should be the extension of that gift to those who are in great need here on earth. We are called to be imitators of God, so if God did it, I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to do it, too.

So sponsor an orphaned child. Become a foster parent. Investigate adoption as an option for your family. Use the financial resources God has blessed you with to enable others to adopt. Refuse to be complacent. Ask God to send orphans your way and show you how He wants you to be involved in their lives. 

Maybe next year on Mother's Day it won't be so hard to answer that first question.

The Choice of Re-Entry

I'll admit, I never paid attention when people talked about "re-entry." They were referring to the period of time that includes the last moments a missionary spends in her host culture and the first several months she spends back in her home culture (in my case America in general, not Arizona). Re-entry seemed so far away, so speculative, and so hypothetical to me that I figured I would pay attention if, and only if, God called me to leave the Dominican Republic one day. If I'm being honest, that call came before I ever expected it to and now I write with only 10 days left in Monte Plata before I pack what I can fit into a couple suitcases and get an exit-stamp in my passport without knowing when it will be stamped again.

In 10 days I will re-enter American life...which means what, exactly? 

People warn you - some missionaries say that their period of re-entry was the hardest part of their entire missionary experience. They say it is harder than living in a third world country without constant water and electricity, harder than adjusting to an unknown and misunderstood culture, harder than living life in your second language, harder than making new friendships and saying goodbye to them. They say it is lonely, isolating, and frustrating. They say that you won't realize how much you've actually changed until you get back to your home culture and see how different you are from others. They say you won't realize how much others have changed until you see that your friends and family have lives that have continued while you were away which means they have new friendships, new support systems, and new activities that don't include you.

I am anticipating all of that. I know this will be difficult. I don't think I'm going into this blind. I believe that, by the grace of God and with the support of my closest friends, my incredible family, and my caring and loving fiance, I will be able to navigate the stormy waters of re-entry into my new American life. 

But the thing that scares me is my re-entry into consumerist, self-centered America (and sometimes even the church) - as one writer recently wrote, re-entry into...

..."a world where a pair of shoes can last longer, have more worth, be treated with more value, than a fondled, raped and discarded 9 year-old-girl."

...a world in which "we let blinders be stapled to our hearts" because the pain on the other side of the world doesn't affect us or our family and we "can't do anything about it anyway," so we choose to be apathetic. 

...a world in which we "keep up with the Kardashians or whatever flash of skin is being flaunted on red carpets - when there are little girls being devoured on bare concrete floors."

...a world in which "our churches are fundraising for building expansions and plusher chairs while children [around the world] are dying."

And as I write today, I understand that re-entry into the physical, geographical land of America is not the scary part of will happen in 10 days. Re-entry into a culture of self-love, self-indulgence, and self-prioritization is the scary part - but choosing to re-enter that culture is a choice. It is a choice that every single one of us has - the choice to wake up each day and re-enter the culture of self or the culture of selfless others-focused-love. God's work of "Cross-Shaped love" is the call to not turn away out of distance or convenience but to consciously turn your face directly towards global suffering - because that is where the face of Jesus is fixed. And that call is everywhere, every day.

"You are where you are to help others where they are...Caring isn't a Christian's sideline hobby. Caring is a Christian's complete career. It is our job, our point, our purpose."

My realization about re-entry is this: Re-entry is my daily decision. It is my daily decision to re-enter the world where God has currently placed me bearing the mark of Christ and spending myself for others or the decision to re-enter the world-of-me, turning my eyes away from the suffering of my fellow man (whether my neighbor in America, my students in Monte Plata, or a widowed mother in Iraq) and focusing instead on my own personal happiness and fulfillment. My identity, my calling, and my purpose does not change when I say goodbye to "Kristin the foreign missionary" in 10 days. In fact, I want to say goodbye to her. I want to say goodbye to every single part of my identity that is not "Kristin the Jesus follower, the others lover, the God imitator." I want to choose each day to leave the culture-of-me and enter the culture of loving as Christ has loved me.

Therefore be imitators of God as beloved children. And walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Ephesians 5:1-2

*Quotes taken from this article.

An Intercessor in our Grief

We walk in silence through the vacant streets of town. Monte Plata never looks like this on a Monday morning. The usual hustle and bustle stops as we pass. People come out of their stores, shops, and homes. Colorful umbrellas dot the shuffling mass as hundreds of us slowly follow the car covered in flowers and surrounded by mourners. We are on our way to the cemetery. 

We are dressed in white, some come in their work clothes. Hundreds of students in their blue and pink school uniforms walk with their backpacks on as they follow the car that carries their teacher's body through the streets. There are no classes in our town today. 

We embrace, walk arm-in-arm, nod in acknowledgment when we see those we know. Words are few. What is there to say? 

I look next to me and see a mother with her three young children who are students at our school. She brought them to walk with us. I look over and see a group of our middle school girls walking together quietly. I wonder, "Which one of these girls is next?" 

Today we mourn the loss of a daughter, mother, sister, friend, and teacher. She is a victim of senseless, merciless domestic violence. Her boyfriend now sits in jail a city away, charged with her murder. They took him from the Monte Plata jail yesterday for fear for his safety here. Even on the way back from the cemetery I see a mob of people outside of the Monte Plata jail looking for him. He robbed a family of their beloved sister. He robbed two young girls of their mother. Monte Plata cries for justice. 

About a month ago I was conducting interviews with each one of our students. These interviews would be translated and sent out to their sponsors as part of our quarterly sponsorship projects. The interview questions were meant to be light-hearted, fun, and interesting. I asked them "Why do you think God made the sky blue?" and "What would you do if you were invisible for a day?" One of the questions asked, "If you could make a rule that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?"

I expected to receive the usual answers, that everyone has to be nice or that everyone needs to love each other or that all kids need to eat candy every day. They're kids, I wasn't expecting anything incredibly deep. 

And I definitely wasn't expecting over 20 children to answer this way.

"I would say that no one is allowed to mistreat women." 

"I would say that no one can abuse moms."

"I would say that no men can kill women."

"I would say that you can't abuse ladies in their house."

The follow-up question was "Why is that the rule you would choose?"

"Because that happens to lots of women."

"Because there are a lot of ladies in my neighborhood who are abused."

"Because women get killed all the time by men."

Many of our children see domestic abuse every single day. They hear it through the wooden walls of their homes. They watch it in their neighborhoods. They hear it, as do I, from across the street. They listen as punches are thrown, as horrible, ugly insults are hurled, and as women scream in pain and in shame. This is life for women in Monte Plata. This is life for women all over the world. It happens in America, too. It happens in your neighborhood. It's just that the walls are thicker in middle-class America. The houses are farther apart. The secrets are more carefully guarded. 

I'm not writing today with answers. I feel as hopeless as many of you. I look into the faces of our little girls here and wonder which ones are already involved in the cycle of abuse. I wonder where it will lead them. I hope and pray that we are not walking through the streets of Monte Plata one day behind a car holding one of our students. I did that last summer. I never want to do it again. 

The common refrain here over the past several days has been that there are no words. There are simply no words in situations like this. The Lord is the only comforter, the only One who can turn bitterness into forgiveness, and the dark ugliness of sin into something beautiful that still brings Him glory. For now, we pray. We pray in our own weakness. We are not without sin. We are not without guilt. We are sinners just as the man who sits in jail today is a sinner. But the Spirit intercedes for us. The Holy Spirit brings peace, comfort, forgiveness, new life, and glorious restoration. Please pray for girls and women all over the world who need His intercession today. They are your neighbors. They are your friends. They are your sisters and mothers. Pray for justice and protection of the abused. Pray for restoration for the abusers. Pray for peace. Pray for Love. 

"In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words" Romans 8:26

Transitioning Thoughts

As I prepare to leave Monte Plata, I invite you to please read my most recent newsletter electronically here.

When the World is Bigger than Monte Plata

I share this blog a bit hesitantly. I didn't write this letter for you. I wrote this letter to my state senators, hoping to give them yet another reason, another petition, another motivation to act against ISIS. This morning's headline of 90 more captured Assyrian Christians was too much for me to handle. We have Kids Alive sites in the Middle East - our kids, our staff, too close for comfort to this fighting. After a conversation and time of prayer with my students here, Mick suggested that I write to my senators. If you read this letter and find yourself nodding your head in agreement, write to yours too. You can find out how at this website. All I can do from Monte Plata is pray and talk about what's going on. What can you do?

Senator,

I am writing to you today from a dusty little town called Monte Plata in the Dominican Republic. I was born and raised in Arizona, went to Arcadia High School and graduated in the top 1% of my class, graduated Summa Cum Laude from ASU in 2009, taught for 4 years at a Title I school in Glendale, and was a Rodel Exemplary Teacher Semi-Finalist. I now live in a town with limited electricity, inconsistent water supply, millions of mosquitoes, and the most abusive cycle of poverty I have ever seen. I work with Kids Alive International and we seek to rescue at-risk children and provide them with quality, holistic care in order to create a generation of Dominicans who are able to break the cycle of poverty that plagues this country and it's neighbor, Haiti. I work at a school in which 160 children learn, eat, bathe, cry, fight, and struggle each day.  Our children are abused, abandoned, orphaned, hungry, dirty, and unloved. They understand suffering more than most. They inspire me every day with their questions, their fight for maturity, and their drive to do their best despite all the odds being stacked against them. 

Can I tell you what they asked me today? I was in our 8th grade classroom getting ready to begin math class. We were praying and I mentioned that we need to pray for the situation with ISIS in Syria. I told them that 90 more men, women, and children had been abducted yesterday. They are aware of the situation in Syria because Kayla Mueller was my cousin's neighbor and childhood babysitter. My cousin visited me in Monte Plata last year so Kayla's story was something with which my students could tangibly relate. They understand that the victims of ISIS are real people with real families. One of my students raised her hand before we prayed and asked me, "But, Profe Kristin, why isn't anyone doing anything? They are killing children!" 

What a simple question. "Why isn't anyone doing anything?" When this question comes from the mouth of a young woman who has never had running water in her house, from the mouth of a young man who has never gone a day in his life without being left in the dark when the power goes out, from the mouth of a girl who lives with the pain of hunger is each and every weekend, from the mouth of a boy who has watched his mother die from cancer on a dirt floor with no medical care..."Why isn't anyone doing anything?" takes on a whole new meaning. My students could easily say the same about their situation - about their suffering - about their day-to-day life. But they're not asking you to do anything about their suffering. They are asking on behalf of their Christian brothers and sisters in Syria who are suffering for their faith, who are living in fear, who are being persecuted and killed every day. Why aren't we doing anything? 

My students know that I am not like them. They know that I am from America. They know that I have money with which I can travel on an airplane and buy food whenever I need it. They know that our lives are very, very different. And they know that America has power. They know that America can do something. They just don't understand why we haven't acted. I don't either. 

Please, on behalf of my students here in Monte Plata, on behalf of my Christian brothers and sisters in Syria and around the world, please do something. It is time to act. The suffering is too great. The excuses must end. 

Sincerely,

Kristin and her students in Monte Plata

A Bit of Honesty

The weeks roll on...one into another. Lesson plans are written and taught, children are disciplined, water runs out, electricity is turned on and off, over and over again, internet cuts out in the middle of important conversations, fourth grade boys get into fights, quizzes are graded with discouragement, sponsorship projects are done, letters are translated, and kids are loved for 8 hours a day and then sent home to the real world. Normal days, normal weeks. I used to say that "the only routine here is that there is no routine." I find it amazing that such a physically-uncomfortable place has become so comfortable, so routine, and so normal to me. 

It's very tempting for me to only share the good stories - the stories with the happy endings - the "smiling kids giving me hugs" pictures that make it seem like every day of ministry here is successful in human-terms. 

But reality is that it is hard. It is really, really hard. 

Juana Prenza, who began the ministry here in Monte Plata with her husband, is known for saying "If the kids at our school are behaving like angels, we don't need this school anymore." The fact is, we are working with many of the roughest, neediest, most abused, neglected, hungry, and abandoned kids in Monte Plata. There are going to be many, many difficult, challenging, make-you-want-to-give-up-and-go-home moments. That's the job. And for North-Americans, that's the job in your second language and second culture.

So the weeks roll on...one into another. The normal school stuff happens. Life happens. The days bleed into each other...

• And teachers cry because they feel helpless to inspire change in their students who come to school with absolutely no example of respectful or safe behavior. 
• And a school psychologist tears up as he talks to our staff about the reason our children behave so poorly in the lunch room - almost every single one of them had never eaten a meal at a table on a real plate before they came to our school. 
• And a 7th grade girl cries in your office as she tells you that her mother said "I wish you would have died when you were born."
• And another middle school girl can't get more than 2 words out at a time as she sits with you at your desk and tells you through her sobs how "heavy her heart feels" ever since her mom passed away unexpectedly last year. 
• And a student's mother comes to your house late at night asking for money, and you have to turn her away because you have already loaned her more than you know is wise.
• And you break up a fight between two young students in the street and lead them back to the school's office because even though they're uttering curse words under their breath at you, you know that discipline and consistency is the best thing for them. 
• And a 6th grade boy calls you some foul names in front of his friends, so you calmly wait until you can speak to him alone and explain that you hurt more for him and his future than you do for yourself after being called those names - because you know that he'll call the wrong person those names out in the street one day and end up in a horrible Dominican prison, or worse. 
• And the older sister of one of your students sits with you and describes how scared she is for her sister, because the internet makes it so easy for kids to find things they shouldn't be finding at younger and younger ages. 

And that's all in a "normal" week. That is the routine. And I sit in my house on Saturday night and think about it all starting over again on Monday and I feel helpless and tired and ineffective. I'm so tired that even leaving my house and having to live in my second culture seems too overwhelmingly exhausting that I'd rather not even try. I'm so hungry for spiritual community that listening to another online sermon by myself seems like it'd be more discouraging that soul-feeding at this point. It's not all smiling kids and adventure. It's a lot of monotonous, soul-wrenching days that leave you empty, exhausted, and confused. And those days are normal now. 

My prayer is not that the Lord would liberate me from days and weeks like this. My prayer is not that God would make things easier. My prayer it not that God would take me away from here.

Instead,

• I pray He would take me farther out of my comfort zone - even though my comfort zone is all the uncomfortable things described above - so that I depend more on Him.
• I pray He would make each moment special again, like they all were when I first got here and was still in the honeymoon phase of missionary life. 
• I pray He would give me renewed strength and renewed energy to continue in ministry. 
• I pray He would give me a heart of thankfulness that sees beauty in my host culture instead of only frustration.
• I pray He would keep bringing us the toughest, hardest kids that make me want to cry and run away every day, because they're the kids who need to be here the most.
• I pray He would show me His face in the reality and in the days and weeks that bleed into each other. 

Christmas in Monte Plata

A glimpse of the Christmas festivities with our 

Kids Alive International kids in Monte Plata, Dominican Republic.

The Scary Part of Christmas Vacation

For those of you who are parents, I imagine you've been to some sort of school meeting in which teachers and administrators speak about how you can help your children at home. They spoke about discipline, study habits, homework help, or the importance of being involved in your child's academic life while at home.

Now I want you to imagine that you're sitting in a school meeting and you hear the school director say "Remember, parents, not to serve your children alcohol during vacation this year. Don't send them to the store or to the bar to buy alcohol for you. Those places are dangerous. Don't let them drink alcohol in your home. Don't let them leave to a friend's house after dark. This is Christmas season, one of the most dangerous seasons of the year here, and you need to know where your child is at all times. So remember, don't let your child drink alcohol or get drunk this Christmas." 

This is just part of the advisory speech our school director, Deborah, gave to almost 90 parents last week at our last parent meeting before Christmas break. Remember, we are not a high school. We are an elementary school, serving preschool age children (4-5 years old) through 8th graders (12-14 years old). Deborah is an elementary school principal, warning parents not to let their young children drink alcohol or get drunk during vacation. 

This is where I live. This is where we serve. These are the battles we are fighting. This is the darkness that threatens to swallow us nearly every day.  This is the fear that literally brings tears to my eyes as I write this from the comfort of my parents' home in America, knowing that I'm so far from my kids this morning. This is the guilt I carry in being away for even a few days at a time. This is the worry that will constantly be on my mind until I arrive back in Monte Plata in 14 days. Until I see every single one of their faces back at school or back home at Casa Monte Plata, I will worry. And the worry won't stop there. Sometimes the psychological, emotional, and disciplinary consequences of time away from us take weeks to sort through with our kids. 

In the mean time, I ask you to join me in praying consistently, praying fervently, and praying powerfully for our children while they are away from us. Our school is closed until January 7. Our students and their families have been provided with a bag of food and supplies to help them have enough to eat while their children aren't eating 2 meals a day at our school, but what we are able to provide won't be enough for them until January 7. Pray that their families are able to find work, earn money, and use that money wisely so our children won't go hungry. Pray that they are kept safe, safe from abuse in their homes, safe from the dangers in the streets, and safe from emotional and spiritual darkness.  Our Casa Monte Plata residential facility will be closed until Jan 5. Our children have all gone on vacation for the holidays, some with relatives, others with friends or church members in the community. While we love that our children have the opportunity to spend time off-campus, many with family, we are realistic about the effects this vacation may have on them. Pray that they are kept safe from familial battles, safe from threats they are not accustomed to facing while they live within the safety and security of the Casa Monte Plata walls, and safe from the enemy's schemes that jeopardize their spiritual, physical, and emotional wellbeing. 

What will I remember?

I recently spent the day at a ministry event that, if I'm going to be honest, left me completely exhausted, frustrated, and wanting to retreat into my own little world for a few days. I came home and thought "Ok, I've done my time, paid my dues, now it's 'me time' and I shouldn't feel guilty about closing myself off to ministry tomorrow." I sat down to journal about my day and began to write defeatedly about each thing that had aggravated me. But as I wrote each line, the Holy Spirit began His quiet, gentle work in my heart. 

I angrily wrote: "And the boys said .... and were acting like ... and made me feel so ..." And the Lord whispered: "And do you also remember when they looked up at you and smiled and said "thank you?" Do you remember when they got scared and instinctively reached out to hold your hand? Do you remember when they sat down next to you and put their heads on your shoulder? Do you remember when they grinned at you with lips and cheeks coated in bright blue chicle ice cream? Do you remember the look on their faces when they tried on brand new, never been worn, tags-still-on church shirts and felt like the most special little boys in the entire world?"

Each time I began to write about a new frustration, God would gently remind me of a way in which that exact person or situation had also been a ministering agent of His grace, His joy, or His beauty to me that day. It's all about perspective. God simply asked me, "Kristin, what will you choose to remember about today?" Did I want to remember the frustration, the anger, and the disappointment? Is that really how I wanted to record that day in my memory forever? Is that really what the Lord wanted me to store in my heart from those hours spent doing His work? I had a choice to make - remember the flesh, or remember the Spirit.

I choose to remember the moments of joy in the midst of frustration.

I choose to remember the hope in the midst of seemingly endless disappointment.

I choose to remember the glimpses of eternity. 

Why do I choose to remember the good? Because God remembers not my sin, not the endless list of ways I've disappointed Him, not my selfishness, my anger, nor my guilt. God looks at me and remember Jesus - His sacrifice on the cross for the worst of these. In His great mercy, He extends not an attitude of frustration nor blame but rather a heart of forgiveness and grace. Who am I to extend the opposite to those who I am called to love and serve? 

I, I am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, 

and I will not remember your sins. 

-Isaiah 43:25

I will forgive (be merciful toward) their iniquity, 

and I will remember their sin no more. 

- Jeremiah 31:34, again in Hebrews 8:12

I choose to remember in others what I want the Lord to remember in me. I choose to extend grace in my memories of frustrating events with people who disappointed me that day.

What will you choose to remember about today? What will you choose to remember about him or her? What will you choose to remember about this season of your life? 

Remember grace. Remember mercy. Remember Him. 

He Meets Every Need

When I arrived in the Dominican Republic, I largely believed that "good teaching is good teaching, no matter the school," and that "kids are kids, no matter the country." I was prideful, arrogant, and over-confident in my abilities to make a difference here. The reality is that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Until you have spent a couple weeks at our school, there is no way to begin to understand and process the great needs of this country and its children and their families. While it is true that kids are kids no matter where they are and that many strategies are useful and produce results no matter the classroom, the children here are standing at the bottom of a mountain that is nearly impossible to climb. We arrive with our "expertise" of what works to solve the problem in America and quickly realize that those strategies don't work here because we're not even dealing with the same problem!  We are fighting a hopelessness that doesn't exist in even the poorest schools in America. As Corbett and  Fikkert say in their book When Helping Hurts, "Poverty alleviation is about reconciling people's relationships, not about putting bandages over particular manifestations of the underlying brokenness." I arrived here with a suitcase of teaching supplies and a head full of theory about what's best for kids. Little did I know that all I really brought with me was a bunch of bandaids. The real medicine, the genuine cure, was nestled deep inside of my heart and in the hearts of those who serve here with me - the hope of the Holy Spirit that comes through reconciled relationships with The One who can meet all of our needs. 

Think about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs - a familiar diagram to anyone who took even one education or psychology course in college or to anyone who has ever worked with children. Maslow concluded that until a child's basic physiological needs (food, water, shelter, rest) are met and until the child feels safe and secure, he will not be able to realize the higher needs on the pyramid which include the psychological needs of friendship, intimacy, belonging, love, self esteem, education, and confidence. 

In America, in my class of about 30 children each year, I had maybe 5 who were really stuck at the bottom of the pyramid - who didn't have a bed to sleep in or who didn't have enough food in their cabinet to eat at night or who suffered abuse in some form in their homes. The other 25 students had their basic needs met and were therefore able to climb the pyramid and have their psychological and self-actualization needs met. Reality here in Monte Plata is far different. I often look around at our school here and wonder "What in the world happened today?!" I see children who seemed to be making progress yesterday (or an hour ago) who have now completely lost it, who are running from authority, screaming, fighting, or crying. I see children who could subtract yesterday who now can't even read a number correctly out loud. I listen to a 6th grade girl who told me last week how much she loves her two younger sisters who is now bawling in our front office saying that she can't keep being a mom to her sisters when she's just a little girl herself. I visit their homes and see our children sleeping on a dirt or cement floor huddled together with their siblings. I watch them cry in hunger on Sunday night because they haven't eaten since they left our school on Friday afternoon. I bandage their open, infected sores that haven't been cleaned - rarely because their mother doesn't care, sometimes because their mother doesn't know, but usually because their mother doesn't have anything with which to clean their child's wound except dirty water collected in a bucket from the open stream of sewage that runs behind their house. This is the life of nearly every child at our school. Nearly every single child. We're not even climbing the pyramid yet. We still need to lay the foundation. 

On a typical day, I resign myself to the realization that there are needs here that I have no idea how to meet. But the Lord frequently reminds me that I am not alone in this work. Our teaching staff of dedicated, loving Dominicans is not alone in this work. Our ministry that spans 5 different cities and 10 different sites in this country alone is not alone in this work. The Lord goes before us. Long before Kids Alive arrived in Monte Plata, long before the children in our program were born, long before the trials and tribulations that they experienced this weekend came to pass, the Lord was working to meet their needs. My hope rests not in anything that we can do, but in everything that the Lord can do in and through us to minister to His children. My ideas, my strategies, my efforts are worthless unless they are inspired by, sourced in, and accomplished through the work of the Holy Spirit. 

When those basic bottom-level needs seem impossible to meet (nearly every single minute of every single day), I hold on to the hope that is in Christ. When our kids lack food, water, shelter, rest, and safety, I  choose hope instead of hopelessness. I claim victory in Christ instead of accepting defeat of the enemy. I choose love instead of anger. I choose patience instead of desperately grasping at straws in an effort to remedy situations with roots far deeper than one day at school can fix. 

• Our kids lack food. - Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst." - John 6:35
• Our kids don't have water. - For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and He will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. - Revelation 7:17
• Our kids live without shelter - He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." - Psalm 91
• Our kids are unable to rest. - The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. - Psalm 23:1-2
• Our kids can't breathe, suppressed by the darkness around them. - The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life. - Job 33:4
• Our kids lack security. - And you will feel secure, because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security. - Job 11:18
• Our kids live a life of instability. - The Lord is exalted, for He dwells on high...He will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom and knowledge. - Isaiah 33:5-6
• Our kids are fearful. - Too many promises to choose from, see Genesis 50:21, Deuteronomy 31:6,8, Psalm 27:3, Psalm 46:2, Isaiah 41:10, Jeremiah 30:10, Hebrews 13:6

Join me today in praying for the basic needs of our children to be met. Thank God with me that our school day now runs for 8 hours instead of only 4 and pray that God enables us to make the most of the precious time we have with our children. Ask the Lord to spur your heart towards child sponsorship or adoption (contact me for information on how to sponsor a child for $39/mo). Praise the Lord for His perfect provisions and ask forgiveness for the times we doubt Him. Most of all, examine yourself to see if you are meeting your own basic needs or if you are allowing the Lord to display His power mightily in your life. Are you laying your own foundation? Are you desperately trying to place bandages on a deeper wound that needs more intensive care and healing? May we source ourselves in Him in the times of rest, the times of pruning, the times of discernment, and the times of service. 

Priorities

I had a wake-up call yesterday with one of our teachers.

We were looking online for preschool name-writing activity ideas. We saw one in which the kids traced their names in glue and then covered the glue with little marshmallows to make the letters. So cute, right? The elementary school teacher in me loves it.

The teacher, who grew up here in Monte Plata, looked at the picture and said "But that idea doesn't make sense! You can't eat the food after you put it in glue! They're wasting it!"

I had to explain that in America, food is never really "scarce" and that we sometimes use marshmallows, cheerios, fruit-loops, etc. as craft supplies instead of actual food.

She looked at me like that was the craziest thing she'd ever heard.
Maybe it is. 
She made me think that Americans would have to be insane to purposefully ruin food.
Maybe we are.

With that in mind, take a look at this article called What the North American Church is Most Hungry For by Ann Voskamp. 

“God gives the world enough of what it needs. All He asks is that we distribute what He gives...Because if you end up waiting to give when you know how much you have in the bank account, in the budget, in the back pocket –you can end up giving God your left overs, not your first fruits...God doesn’t want your leftovers. God wants your love overtures, your first-overs, because He is your first love. " 

As the title of this blog states, I've been challenged today to think about my priorities using this question: "Am I wasting what I have and only giving only what's left over?" I understand if you want to use food as a craft project with your kids. My next question might sound a bit harsh, but I'm praying that instead of making you mad it solely makes you think about God's priorities and how your personal priorities align with His. If you're willing to spend money on food that your kids aren't even going to eat, are you also using the financial resources God has given you to provide food for children who have nothing to eat today? I know what you're thinking, because it's what I thought for years when I lived in America. "But Kristin, I can't actually send food to starving kids. The cheerios on the grocery store shelf here have to be bought by someone. These cheerios aren't going to be sent to Africa." You're right, but the money in your wallet that you're using to buy those cheerios that you aren't even going to eat can be sent with the click of a button to a ministry somewhere that is caring for orphaned, severely impoverished, sick, at-risk children. I'm simply suggesting today that we - all of us, including myself - take a moment to realign our priorities with those of the Lord. The way you spend your time, the way you save or spend your money, the way you interact with those around you, the way you speak to (or about) your family...does it reflect our Savior or does it reflect your sinfulness and selfishness? I'm praying that you are all as convicted today as I am, and that our conviction turns into confession, forgiveness, sanctification, and action on behalf of our great God in the world.

*If you would like information on sponsoring one of our children for $39/mo, please email me at Kristin.L.Barber@gmail.com.

New Chance, New Heart

An excerpt from my journal, Wednesday, September 17:

It was an unexpected visit. I was running an errand for my roommate and they happened to be outside of the centro, two of our newest students (preschool and first grade) and their mother who was holding their 7 month old half-brother. They invited me home for a visit. I parked my pasola in front of a cement house and thought "Wow, not bad! Nice house!" But then little Ana* said "This way," took my hand, and led me back behind the house to a tiny, one room, wooden shack. The walls were see-through. The tin ceiling was riddled with holes. There was one bed and another small, flat, filthy mattress on the ground. A small stove. One table with random recycled plastic containers. They walk down to the open sewage canal when they need to use the restroom. Their mom, Pamela*, borrowed a broken plastic chair from a neighbor for me to sit in while she sat on the dirt floor next to me. We sat and talked for a long while. Pamela is from the capital. She recounted her past as a prostitute, where the money was easy but the work was devastating. I tried not to widen my eyes when she told me that she is only 22. I did the math. A mom at 15 and two babies by the time she was 16. She is new here and knows no one except her children and the father of her youngest baby boy. He has children with at least three women in our town. Pamela says "Disculpa la confianza que tengo para decirte..., Excuse the confidence I have to tell you..." (As if that could ever be a bad thing) "...but before I moved here, I thought of leaving my children in an institution. I couldn't handle them. I couldn't handle myself." She was such a young mother, of course she couldn't handle them. She continued, "But I thank God for this school. My kids had never been to school before. And now I feel so much better. This school is...incredible. My kids are changing. They're good now. I feel great." I stood to leave, heart full of gratitude, love, and sorrow - a sweet and holy mixture. She said "Please don't go yet! I love having someone here to talk to." I assured her that I'd be back and since she wouldn't let me return with food today, I told her I'd bring some next time and she wasn't allowed to tell me "no." The family was going to share 1/2 of a bowl of rice for dinner tonight. I can't wait to get back there soon. Lord, thank you for the fresh eyes You have given me for my purpose - or better yet, Your purpose - here in Monte Plata. I will serve You. I will follow You. I will love as you have loved me.

The next afternoon I raced to Pamela's house after school to let her know that we were starting a young women's Bible study in our home and that I wanted her to come. She quickly agreed and said she would invite her neighbors too. She showed up 45 minutes early (which is not a very Dominican thing to do) with her three children and two neighbor children. The kids played on the school playground until dark and then cuddled on my bed in front of my laptop to watch The Lion King and eat cookies while a group of 12 ladies studied the Bible together in the living room. Pamela was only able to stay for a short time because she had to get back home before her boyfriend arrived and found that she wasn't there. I loaded her and the kids up with more cookies and some food and sent them on their way.

Pamela was back a few days later. It was the weekend which means that her kids wouldn't be receiving breakfast, lunch, and a snack at school. She had no food for them and was on her way to sell some of her best clothes in hopes of earning enough money to buy food for the weekend. I gave her food money and assured her that she can always come to us for help. Pamela knows how easy it would be for her to earn money fast. She made good money in the sex-industry here. All it takes is one simple "yes" to be back in the middle of it. But Pamela is determined to have something better. She told me while I was at her house that she talks to all of her kids, but especially to her 6 year old daughter, about leaving abusive men behind, buying a house one day, and having a "real job." She told me "I want her to know there are better things out there for women. I want her to know that she can hope for better things."

Pamela came by again today. She asked if I have any work she can do around the house to make some money. I told her to come by on Thursday after the kids get out of school but she quickly reminded me "We can't clean on Thursday! Thursday is Bible study!" She's coming Wednesday instead. Pamela also knows how to wash, dry, cut, and style hair. Unfortunately, she has none of the tools she needs to do that. Our school director and I would like to provide her with a blowdryer, a set of combs and brushes, and a few bottles of shampoo to enable Pamela to start her own small business and provide for her family. We think we can do all of that for $4,000 pesos or $95.00 USD. If you are interested in helping Pamela get a new start, please email me at Kristin.L.Barber@gmail.com.**

"And I will give you a new heart, and a new Spirit I will put within you..." 

- Ezekiel 36:26

*Names changed to protect privacy.

** Update: Less than an hour after this blog was posted, the $95.00 needed for Pamela's business start-up was generously donated. However, her son is still up for sponsorship at our school. If you are interested in helping sponsor her son for $39/mo or $468/year, please email me! We have many new children looking for sponsors this year. You can be the one the Lord uses to change not only a child's life, but an entire family!

You. More of You.

As I kneel down by my bed at the end of a long day, as I sit down in my office and close my eyes, as I pause before entering a classroom to discipline a child, as I drive out to Casa Monte Plata on my pasola, I bow my heart to pray.

I begin to pray, and the only words that come are "You. You, Lord. You. More of You." For the past several weeks, my heart was literally unable to pray anything else. The only words that came to my mind or my lips every time I wanted to pray were "You. More of You."

At first I thought that I was just lacking motivation. Then I thought about my life, the things I was trying to pray about, the experiences I was processing, and I knew that I definitely wasn't at a fault for significant reasons to pray. Then I thought that maybe I was just having a mental block and if I journaled a little more, different words would come. They didn't. "You. More of You God." That was the only thing my heart was able to say.

Finally I began to meditate on those words and actually, meaningfully pray them.

• When you proudly send a young woman away from your residential facility and into the real world, "You. More of You, God." Give more of Yourself to her as she navigates these huge changes and more of Yourself to her family here who is left behind.

• When you feel attacked and betrayed in a meeting and you don't know whether it's a personal, cultural, lingual, or professional misunderstanding, "You. More of You, God." I need more of You to understand this situation and respond in the way that You would. 

• When you say prepare to say the goodbye that no one talks about when a ministry partner and friend leaves the field, "You. More of You, God." Give us more of You to fill the holes that are left when You call your children somewhere else. 

• When you are holding on for dear life as transition-after-change-after-transition rocks your stable, comfortable grasp on life, "You. More of You, God." I've been holding on to steadiness of safety instead of looking for more of You. Give me You, God, no matter where it takes me. 

• When you try to look into an uncertain, unknown future and can barely see past the next few days, "You. More of You, God." Help more of You be enough to lead me to just the next step and no further, Lord. 

I waited patiently for the Lord;

     He inclined to me and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction,

     out of the miry bog,

and set my feet upon a rock,

     making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth,

     a song of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear,

     and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man who makes

     the Lord his trust,

who does not turn to the proud,

     to those who go astray after a lie!

You have multiplied, O Lord my God,

     Your wondrous deeds and Your thoughts towards us;

     none can compare with You!

I will proclaim and tell of them,

     yet they are more than can be told. 

-Psalm 40:1-5

Summer Update Newsletter

School is back in session and it's time for a ministry update! Please click the link below to see an electronic version of my summer newsletter. Many of you are already receiving a hard-copy in the mail, but for those of you who prefer to read online, here's your chance!

Summer Update Newsletter

1 Año

Today I celebrate 1 year in Monte Plata - 1 year of countless smiles, 1 year of countless tears, 1 year of unimaginable difficulties, 1 year of unimaginable joy, and 1 year of innumerable moments that have shown me more of Jesus and His Kingdom than I ever thought possible. 

Today I celebrate a million lessons learned. 

I celebrate the ongoing battle of me trying to manage my life and my ministry here on my own and God lovingly, yet forcefully, teaching me that I am not in control and will fail miserably without Him. 

I celebrate the limitless power of prayer that has so clearly been demonstrated in my life here throughout the past year. As John Piper says, prayer is a "wartime weapon," and it is the only weapon I've ever seen bring beautiful, restorative peace when used. 

I celebrate the lesson of thankfulness and the new discipline of thanking God for every piece of every difficult, stressful, and stretching situation. Ann Voskamp wrote "The feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving." In the most trying and darkest of situations, in the depths of loneliness, and through the demands of work that seem unfair or to go unnoticed, I celebrate the way God reveals more of Himself as I chose gratitude and, in turn, chose to joyfully trust.

I celebrate God's people. I celebrate the team of 80 friends who have faithfully supported me financially in this Kingdom work over the past year. I celebrate the hundreds more who consistently lift me up in prayer. I celebrate the hundreds of sponsors who enable our school and orphanage to function each day. I celebrate our little North American missionary team in Monte Plata (James, Rebekah, Alex, and I) and the much larger group of Dominicans who selflessly and sacrificially run our programs every day. I celebrate the groups and individuals who have visited us in Monte Plata and poured love, resources, and time into our ministry and into our kids. I celebrate Dad, Riley, Vicki, Paige, and Tricia getting to visit me from home and experience firsthand the great things God is doing here. 

Today I celebrate God's provisions and pray for more of His Body - the church - to answer His call to care for the poor, the outcast, the orphans, and the widows. I pray for more of His Spirit to fall in Monte Plata. Extreme poverty, lack of clean water, lack of medical care, and lack of access to education are real threats that seriously affect real people here in this city that I love. I think of a kind and obedient little boy who lost his life in a river while out gathering wood for his family's cooking fire and I mourn the unavoidable fact that if his family had owned a simple, inexpensive, gas-powered burner, he wouldn't have been out by that river. I pray for His Spirit to bring hope, opportunities, and life-change here. I ask that you join me.

Today I celebrate Jesus in me. I celebrate that He is the only good thing about me. I celebrate that His life, death, and resurrection are the only things that make everything I do worth doing. 

I celebrate that I get to do this all again. As of today, year 2 begins. New lessons, new battles, new prayers, new reasons to give thanks, new people, new provisions -  Same Jesus. 

Specific Ways to Pray

The following is an excerpt from The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns. Our team of summer interns here in the Dominican Republic read and studied this book together. I highly recommend it. At the end of the book, Richard gives hands-on, practical ways for Christians to combat the extreme poverty (and it's ensuing side-effects) that exists in the majority world today. As Christians who are called to fight for justice, equality, and care for the orphan, the weak, the afflicted, and the destitute, we need to raise our own awareness, to share stories of the plight of our brothers and sisters around the world, and to pray. I challenge you to read the list below, to discuss it with your children, your small groups, your Bible study classes, and your friends, and then to actually pray. 

When you take your morning shower, pray for families in poor countries who do not have access to clean water, forcing mothers to spend hours collecting inadequate and dirty water and causing children to suffer and even die from water-related diseases.

When you pack your lunch or your child's lunch, pray for the one billion people in the world who are chronically hungry in the world today.

As you commute to your school or your job, pray for the adults around the world who can't find consistent work to feed their families, or pray for the millions of children forced into harmful or exploitative labor.

When you drop your child off at school or arrive at school yourself, pray for children around the world who cannot get an education because of poverty or discrimination.

As you take a vitamin or medicine, pray for the families without adequate health care, leaving them and especially their children vulnerable to preventable diseases.

When you arrive home after work or school, pray for the children and families who are homeless due to poverty, conflict, or natural disasters. 

As you tuck your children into bed, guide them to pray for the millions of children who have lost their families around the world - especially the 15,000,000 AIDS orphans, many of whom must survive without guardians. 

This is one of my favorite prayers, a Franciscan benediction. Reflect on the message of hope contained within:

May God bless you with a restless discomfort about easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, 

so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart.

May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, 

so that you may tirelessly work for justice, freedom, and peace among all people. 

May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed with those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish, 

so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you really can make a difference in this world, 

so that you are able, with God's grace, to do what others claim cannot be done.

And the blessing of God the Supreme Majesty and our Creator, 

Jesus Christ the Incarnate Word Who is our Brother and Savior, and the Holy Spirit, 

our Advocate and Guide, be with you and remain with you, this day and forevermore. Amen.

Expect the Unexpected

It's shocking that I haven't learned to expect this already, but I am constantly amazed and surprised by the way our God turns things upside-down and inside-out. Every time I think I know what's coming next, my God surprises me. Every time I think I know what's best, God shows me something greater. Every time I think I know how something is going to work, God impresses me yet again with his far superior plan. One of my favorite verses, to which I frequently refer, is found first in Isaiah 40 and then again in 1 Corinthians 2 -

"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,

nor the heart of man imagined,

what God has prepared for those who love Him"

This summer is no exception. Over the past 6.5 weeks, God has grown me, molded me, humbled me, and continued His work to sanctify me as I learned time and time again to stop "expecting" things when it comes to working with my God. Whatever I expect, He's usually getting ready to blow it out of the water. Here are a few examples.

What I expected: To be consistently dealing with behavior issues as co-director of the summer program

What actually happened: When our first week of summer program passed without a single fight and with only one child visiting me in my office for behavior issues, we chalked it up to the "newness" of the program and braced ourselves for a crazy second week. That crazy second week never came. At the end of our five week program, we sat and marveled at how incredibly behaved our students were. I've been told that in years past, the director's job has mainly consisted of discipline with almost daily fights, children being sent home, and a constant flow of "problems" in the office. This year we had more children finishing the program and less fights/discipline issues than ever. We are so thankful and so proud of our kids!

What I expected: To be "holding-the hands" of our interns all summer 

What actually happened: We were blessed to have 3 incredible summer interns serving in Monte Plata this summer. Mary Ann and Shelby both joined us from the US and Carolina joined us from Santo Domingo. The girls worked in our summer program at school as teachers/assistants and helped coordinate and run activities at Casa Monte Plata. They got a great taste of what it is to be a missionary during the crazy summer months and were also an incredibly encouragement to me. They lived with Nadelly and I in our home and we enjoyed many evenings of sharing about all God was teaching us. One of the things I most appreciated about our girls was their independent spirit - they jumped head-first into ministry here, regardless of their language level, and our kids truly felt the love of Jesus through them! I never expected the interns to bless me like they did, but I'm grateful that God had far greater plans. 

What I expected: To have a relatively "healthy" summer in Monte Plata

What actually happened: As many of you know, the Chikungunya virus has hit the Dominican Republic full-force this summer. What started as a "buzzword" that was being murmured around town has become a full-fledged epidemic, striking almost every single home in Monte Plata. Our students were in-and-out of school as they succumbed to the illness. We had 5 out of 9 summer program workers sick with the virus during our 5 weeks, including my co-director and one of our American interns. Several members of a visiting team also caught the virus. The symptoms are brutal - fevers of 102-104, severe total-body pain and headaches, and inability to walk or stand on your own. However, God sustained us all. He enabled those who were sick to endure the long, feverish, painful days and nights and the weeks of joint pain after the fever left. He enabled those of us who became caregivers to have the patience, compassion, and energy needed to care for those who were sick. The virus is still strong in Monte Plata and throughout the country and we are expecting the epidemic to last through October. Please continue praying for our health!

What I expected: To say goodbye to all of our children and staff at the end of the school year and see them all again in a few weeks when the school year starts

What actually happened: Many of you heard the news of the death of our 2nd grader, Juan Carlos. His drowning shook our ministry, but we are thankful for the firm foundation that enabled us to remain standing together in Christ in the face of tragedy. Several hours after his death, one of our oldest and dearest partners in ministry, Argentina, also passed away after a battle with cancer. Nothing prepares you to walk in the funeral procession to the cemetery with your student's family as they prepare to bury their son and brother. Nothing prepares you to go straight from that burial to the funeral home to visit the family and friends of a greatly-missed sister-in-Christ who ended her time here on this earth. As the dust settles from these incredibly overwhelming two weeks, I cling to this verse from Nahum (1:7) - The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows those who take refuge in Him. Through it all, God is good. Through it all, God is strong. Through it all, God knows me. Through it all, God provides a refuge for my soul and for all of us who have walked through this darkness together. Please continue praying for the families of Juan Carlos and Argentina, including Juan Carlos's young siblings at our school (Francisco, Jesus, and Erica).

What I expected: To serve as co-director of the summer program and host interns

What actually happened: I laugh when I think about a day two months ago when I told someone "I just can't wait for summer when everything will quiet down and I'll have time to rest." Little did I know that with summer comes an expansion of responsibilities and roles within the ministry. Not only did I have the privilege of co-directing the summer program and hosting/coordinating our intern team, but I also was able to do some work with child sponsorship, translating for neighborhood VBS clubs, and group-hosting. It was a busy summer but God consistently showed me more and more of Himself, on the easy days and on the hard days, and continued to ensure me this is exactly where He created me to be right now.

To see pictures of our summer, click here. 

Apparently...Jesus Even Cares about Math

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. 

– 1 Corinthians 15:58

We are so proud of our students, our teachers, and their hard work! I'm so excited to share these exciting indicators of God's work here at our school! After 5 weeks of instruction, our kids made significant growth, improving from 15% of the school passing to 71% of the school passing!

Here's what we learned:

• Once again, God showed us His power and His faithfulness - even in the little things!
• When we focus on the little steps, we see great successes.
• The patterns of the past don't have to dictate what will happen in the future. 

Percentage of Student Population Passing Each Week

Number of Students Passing with 100% Each Week 

Percentage of Students in Each Grade Passing in the Diagnostic Assessment and in the Final Assessment

Average Score of Each Grade on the Diagnostic Assessment and on the Final Assessment

And here's how we celebrated:

One gringa + ice cream for 175 people + 1 pasola

Preschoolers picking their ice cream

Wilton - 2nd grade

Escaila - 2nd grade

Nicol - 2nd grade

Sweet 1st grade girls

Ice cream for everyone!!

MMMMMM

Teachers celebrating their students' success