Christmas in Monte Plata

A glimpse of the Christmas festivities with our 

Kids Alive International kids in Monte Plata, Dominican Republic.

The Scary Part of Christmas Vacation

For those of you who are parents, I imagine you've been to some sort of school meeting in which teachers and administrators speak about how you can help your children at home. They spoke about discipline, study habits, homework help, or the importance of being involved in your child's academic life while at home.

Now I want you to imagine that you're sitting in a school meeting and you hear the school director say "Remember, parents, not to serve your children alcohol during vacation this year. Don't send them to the store or to the bar to buy alcohol for you. Those places are dangerous. Don't let them drink alcohol in your home. Don't let them leave to a friend's house after dark. This is Christmas season, one of the most dangerous seasons of the year here, and you need to know where your child is at all times. So remember, don't let your child drink alcohol or get drunk this Christmas." 

This is just part of the advisory speech our school director, Deborah, gave to almost 90 parents last week at our last parent meeting before Christmas break. Remember, we are not a high school. We are an elementary school, serving preschool age children (4-5 years old) through 8th graders (12-14 years old). Deborah is an elementary school principal, warning parents not to let their young children drink alcohol or get drunk during vacation. 

This is where I live. This is where we serve. These are the battles we are fighting. This is the darkness that threatens to swallow us nearly every day.  This is the fear that literally brings tears to my eyes as I write this from the comfort of my parents' home in America, knowing that I'm so far from my kids this morning. This is the guilt I carry in being away for even a few days at a time. This is the worry that will constantly be on my mind until I arrive back in Monte Plata in 14 days. Until I see every single one of their faces back at school or back home at Casa Monte Plata, I will worry. And the worry won't stop there. Sometimes the psychological, emotional, and disciplinary consequences of time away from us take weeks to sort through with our kids. 

In the mean time, I ask you to join me in praying consistently, praying fervently, and praying powerfully for our children while they are away from us. Our school is closed until January 7. Our students and their families have been provided with a bag of food and supplies to help them have enough to eat while their children aren't eating 2 meals a day at our school, but what we are able to provide won't be enough for them until January 7. Pray that their families are able to find work, earn money, and use that money wisely so our children won't go hungry. Pray that they are kept safe, safe from abuse in their homes, safe from the dangers in the streets, and safe from emotional and spiritual darkness.  Our Casa Monte Plata residential facility will be closed until Jan 5. Our children have all gone on vacation for the holidays, some with relatives, others with friends or church members in the community. While we love that our children have the opportunity to spend time off-campus, many with family, we are realistic about the effects this vacation may have on them. Pray that they are kept safe from familial battles, safe from threats they are not accustomed to facing while they live within the safety and security of the Casa Monte Plata walls, and safe from the enemy's schemes that jeopardize their spiritual, physical, and emotional wellbeing. 

What will I remember?

I recently spent the day at a ministry event that, if I'm going to be honest, left me completely exhausted, frustrated, and wanting to retreat into my own little world for a few days. I came home and thought "Ok, I've done my time, paid my dues, now it's 'me time' and I shouldn't feel guilty about closing myself off to ministry tomorrow." I sat down to journal about my day and began to write defeatedly about each thing that had aggravated me. But as I wrote each line, the Holy Spirit began His quiet, gentle work in my heart. 

I angrily wrote: "And the boys said .... and were acting like ... and made me feel so ..." And the Lord whispered: "And do you also remember when they looked up at you and smiled and said "thank you?" Do you remember when they got scared and instinctively reached out to hold your hand? Do you remember when they sat down next to you and put their heads on your shoulder? Do you remember when they grinned at you with lips and cheeks coated in bright blue chicle ice cream? Do you remember the look on their faces when they tried on brand new, never been worn, tags-still-on church shirts and felt like the most special little boys in the entire world?"

Each time I began to write about a new frustration, God would gently remind me of a way in which that exact person or situation had also been a ministering agent of His grace, His joy, or His beauty to me that day. It's all about perspective. God simply asked me, "Kristin, what will you choose to remember about today?" Did I want to remember the frustration, the anger, and the disappointment? Is that really how I wanted to record that day in my memory forever? Is that really what the Lord wanted me to store in my heart from those hours spent doing His work? I had a choice to make - remember the flesh, or remember the Spirit.

I choose to remember the moments of joy in the midst of frustration.

I choose to remember the hope in the midst of seemingly endless disappointment.

I choose to remember the glimpses of eternity. 

Why do I choose to remember the good? Because God remembers not my sin, not the endless list of ways I've disappointed Him, not my selfishness, my anger, nor my guilt. God looks at me and remember Jesus - His sacrifice on the cross for the worst of these. In His great mercy, He extends not an attitude of frustration nor blame but rather a heart of forgiveness and grace. Who am I to extend the opposite to those who I am called to love and serve? 

I, I am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, 

and I will not remember your sins. 

-Isaiah 43:25

I will forgive (be merciful toward) their iniquity, 

and I will remember their sin no more. 

- Jeremiah 31:34, again in Hebrews 8:12

I choose to remember in others what I want the Lord to remember in me. I choose to extend grace in my memories of frustrating events with people who disappointed me that day.

What will you choose to remember about today? What will you choose to remember about him or her? What will you choose to remember about this season of your life? 

Remember grace. Remember mercy. Remember Him. 

He Meets Every Need

When I arrived in the Dominican Republic, I largely believed that "good teaching is good teaching, no matter the school," and that "kids are kids, no matter the country." I was prideful, arrogant, and over-confident in my abilities to make a difference here. The reality is that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Until you have spent a couple weeks at our school, there is no way to begin to understand and process the great needs of this country and its children and their families. While it is true that kids are kids no matter where they are and that many strategies are useful and produce results no matter the classroom, the children here are standing at the bottom of a mountain that is nearly impossible to climb. We arrive with our "expertise" of what works to solve the problem in America and quickly realize that those strategies don't work here because we're not even dealing with the same problem!  We are fighting a hopelessness that doesn't exist in even the poorest schools in America. As Corbett and  Fikkert say in their book When Helping Hurts, "Poverty alleviation is about reconciling people's relationships, not about putting bandages over particular manifestations of the underlying brokenness." I arrived here with a suitcase of teaching supplies and a head full of theory about what's best for kids. Little did I know that all I really brought with me was a bunch of bandaids. The real medicine, the genuine cure, was nestled deep inside of my heart and in the hearts of those who serve here with me - the hope of the Holy Spirit that comes through reconciled relationships with The One who can meet all of our needs. 

Think about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs - a familiar diagram to anyone who took even one education or psychology course in college or to anyone who has ever worked with children. Maslow concluded that until a child's basic physiological needs (food, water, shelter, rest) are met and until the child feels safe and secure, he will not be able to realize the higher needs on the pyramid which include the psychological needs of friendship, intimacy, belonging, love, self esteem, education, and confidence. 

In America, in my class of about 30 children each year, I had maybe 5 who were really stuck at the bottom of the pyramid - who didn't have a bed to sleep in or who didn't have enough food in their cabinet to eat at night or who suffered abuse in some form in their homes. The other 25 students had their basic needs met and were therefore able to climb the pyramid and have their psychological and self-actualization needs met. Reality here in Monte Plata is far different. I often look around at our school here and wonder "What in the world happened today?!" I see children who seemed to be making progress yesterday (or an hour ago) who have now completely lost it, who are running from authority, screaming, fighting, or crying. I see children who could subtract yesterday who now can't even read a number correctly out loud. I listen to a 6th grade girl who told me last week how much she loves her two younger sisters who is now bawling in our front office saying that she can't keep being a mom to her sisters when she's just a little girl herself. I visit their homes and see our children sleeping on a dirt or cement floor huddled together with their siblings. I watch them cry in hunger on Sunday night because they haven't eaten since they left our school on Friday afternoon. I bandage their open, infected sores that haven't been cleaned - rarely because their mother doesn't care, sometimes because their mother doesn't know, but usually because their mother doesn't have anything with which to clean their child's wound except dirty water collected in a bucket from the open stream of sewage that runs behind their house. This is the life of nearly every child at our school. Nearly every single child. We're not even climbing the pyramid yet. We still need to lay the foundation. 

On a typical day, I resign myself to the realization that there are needs here that I have no idea how to meet. But the Lord frequently reminds me that I am not alone in this work. Our teaching staff of dedicated, loving Dominicans is not alone in this work. Our ministry that spans 5 different cities and 10 different sites in this country alone is not alone in this work. The Lord goes before us. Long before Kids Alive arrived in Monte Plata, long before the children in our program were born, long before the trials and tribulations that they experienced this weekend came to pass, the Lord was working to meet their needs. My hope rests not in anything that we can do, but in everything that the Lord can do in and through us to minister to His children. My ideas, my strategies, my efforts are worthless unless they are inspired by, sourced in, and accomplished through the work of the Holy Spirit. 

When those basic bottom-level needs seem impossible to meet (nearly every single minute of every single day), I hold on to the hope that is in Christ. When our kids lack food, water, shelter, rest, and safety, I  choose hope instead of hopelessness. I claim victory in Christ instead of accepting defeat of the enemy. I choose love instead of anger. I choose patience instead of desperately grasping at straws in an effort to remedy situations with roots far deeper than one day at school can fix. 

• Our kids lack food. - Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst." - John 6:35
• Our kids don't have water. - For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and He will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. - Revelation 7:17
• Our kids live without shelter - He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." - Psalm 91
• Our kids are unable to rest. - The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. - Psalm 23:1-2
• Our kids can't breathe, suppressed by the darkness around them. - The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life. - Job 33:4
• Our kids lack security. - And you will feel secure, because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security. - Job 11:18
• Our kids live a life of instability. - The Lord is exalted, for He dwells on high...He will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom and knowledge. - Isaiah 33:5-6
• Our kids are fearful. - Too many promises to choose from, see Genesis 50:21, Deuteronomy 31:6,8, Psalm 27:3, Psalm 46:2, Isaiah 41:10, Jeremiah 30:10, Hebrews 13:6

Join me today in praying for the basic needs of our children to be met. Thank God with me that our school day now runs for 8 hours instead of only 4 and pray that God enables us to make the most of the precious time we have with our children. Ask the Lord to spur your heart towards child sponsorship or adoption (contact me for information on how to sponsor a child for $39/mo). Praise the Lord for His perfect provisions and ask forgiveness for the times we doubt Him. Most of all, examine yourself to see if you are meeting your own basic needs or if you are allowing the Lord to display His power mightily in your life. Are you laying your own foundation? Are you desperately trying to place bandages on a deeper wound that needs more intensive care and healing? May we source ourselves in Him in the times of rest, the times of pruning, the times of discernment, and the times of service. 

Priorities

I had a wake-up call yesterday with one of our teachers.

We were looking online for preschool name-writing activity ideas. We saw one in which the kids traced their names in glue and then covered the glue with little marshmallows to make the letters. So cute, right? The elementary school teacher in me loves it.

The teacher, who grew up here in Monte Plata, looked at the picture and said "But that idea doesn't make sense! You can't eat the food after you put it in glue! They're wasting it!"

I had to explain that in America, food is never really "scarce" and that we sometimes use marshmallows, cheerios, fruit-loops, etc. as craft supplies instead of actual food.

She looked at me like that was the craziest thing she'd ever heard.
Maybe it is. 
She made me think that Americans would have to be insane to purposefully ruin food.
Maybe we are.

With that in mind, take a look at this article called What the North American Church is Most Hungry For by Ann Voskamp. 

“God gives the world enough of what it needs. All He asks is that we distribute what He gives...Because if you end up waiting to give when you know how much you have in the bank account, in the budget, in the back pocket –you can end up giving God your left overs, not your first fruits...God doesn’t want your leftovers. God wants your love overtures, your first-overs, because He is your first love. " 

As the title of this blog states, I've been challenged today to think about my priorities using this question: "Am I wasting what I have and only giving only what's left over?" I understand if you want to use food as a craft project with your kids. My next question might sound a bit harsh, but I'm praying that instead of making you mad it solely makes you think about God's priorities and how your personal priorities align with His. If you're willing to spend money on food that your kids aren't even going to eat, are you also using the financial resources God has given you to provide food for children who have nothing to eat today? I know what you're thinking, because it's what I thought for years when I lived in America. "But Kristin, I can't actually send food to starving kids. The cheerios on the grocery store shelf here have to be bought by someone. These cheerios aren't going to be sent to Africa." You're right, but the money in your wallet that you're using to buy those cheerios that you aren't even going to eat can be sent with the click of a button to a ministry somewhere that is caring for orphaned, severely impoverished, sick, at-risk children. I'm simply suggesting today that we - all of us, including myself - take a moment to realign our priorities with those of the Lord. The way you spend your time, the way you save or spend your money, the way you interact with those around you, the way you speak to (or about) your family...does it reflect our Savior or does it reflect your sinfulness and selfishness? I'm praying that you are all as convicted today as I am, and that our conviction turns into confession, forgiveness, sanctification, and action on behalf of our great God in the world.

*If you would like information on sponsoring one of our children for $39/mo, please email me at Kristin.L.Barber@gmail.com.

New Chance, New Heart

An excerpt from my journal, Wednesday, September 17:

It was an unexpected visit. I was running an errand for my roommate and they happened to be outside of the centro, two of our newest students (preschool and first grade) and their mother who was holding their 7 month old half-brother. They invited me home for a visit. I parked my pasola in front of a cement house and thought "Wow, not bad! Nice house!" But then little Ana* said "This way," took my hand, and led me back behind the house to a tiny, one room, wooden shack. The walls were see-through. The tin ceiling was riddled with holes. There was one bed and another small, flat, filthy mattress on the ground. A small stove. One table with random recycled plastic containers. They walk down to the open sewage canal when they need to use the restroom. Their mom, Pamela*, borrowed a broken plastic chair from a neighbor for me to sit in while she sat on the dirt floor next to me. We sat and talked for a long while. Pamela is from the capital. She recounted her past as a prostitute, where the money was easy but the work was devastating. I tried not to widen my eyes when she told me that she is only 22. I did the math. A mom at 15 and two babies by the time she was 16. She is new here and knows no one except her children and the father of her youngest baby boy. He has children with at least three women in our town. Pamela says "Disculpa la confianza que tengo para decirte..., Excuse the confidence I have to tell you..." (As if that could ever be a bad thing) "...but before I moved here, I thought of leaving my children in an institution. I couldn't handle them. I couldn't handle myself." She was such a young mother, of course she couldn't handle them. She continued, "But I thank God for this school. My kids had never been to school before. And now I feel so much better. This school is...incredible. My kids are changing. They're good now. I feel great." I stood to leave, heart full of gratitude, love, and sorrow - a sweet and holy mixture. She said "Please don't go yet! I love having someone here to talk to." I assured her that I'd be back and since she wouldn't let me return with food today, I told her I'd bring some next time and she wasn't allowed to tell me "no." The family was going to share 1/2 of a bowl of rice for dinner tonight. I can't wait to get back there soon. Lord, thank you for the fresh eyes You have given me for my purpose - or better yet, Your purpose - here in Monte Plata. I will serve You. I will follow You. I will love as you have loved me.

The next afternoon I raced to Pamela's house after school to let her know that we were starting a young women's Bible study in our home and that I wanted her to come. She quickly agreed and said she would invite her neighbors too. She showed up 45 minutes early (which is not a very Dominican thing to do) with her three children and two neighbor children. The kids played on the school playground until dark and then cuddled on my bed in front of my laptop to watch The Lion King and eat cookies while a group of 12 ladies studied the Bible together in the living room. Pamela was only able to stay for a short time because she had to get back home before her boyfriend arrived and found that she wasn't there. I loaded her and the kids up with more cookies and some food and sent them on their way.

Pamela was back a few days later. It was the weekend which means that her kids wouldn't be receiving breakfast, lunch, and a snack at school. She had no food for them and was on her way to sell some of her best clothes in hopes of earning enough money to buy food for the weekend. I gave her food money and assured her that she can always come to us for help. Pamela knows how easy it would be for her to earn money fast. She made good money in the sex-industry here. All it takes is one simple "yes" to be back in the middle of it. But Pamela is determined to have something better. She told me while I was at her house that she talks to all of her kids, but especially to her 6 year old daughter, about leaving abusive men behind, buying a house one day, and having a "real job." She told me "I want her to know there are better things out there for women. I want her to know that she can hope for better things."

Pamela came by again today. She asked if I have any work she can do around the house to make some money. I told her to come by on Thursday after the kids get out of school but she quickly reminded me "We can't clean on Thursday! Thursday is Bible study!" She's coming Wednesday instead. Pamela also knows how to wash, dry, cut, and style hair. Unfortunately, she has none of the tools she needs to do that. Our school director and I would like to provide her with a blowdryer, a set of combs and brushes, and a few bottles of shampoo to enable Pamela to start her own small business and provide for her family. We think we can do all of that for $4,000 pesos or $95.00 USD. If you are interested in helping Pamela get a new start, please email me at Kristin.L.Barber@gmail.com.**

"And I will give you a new heart, and a new Spirit I will put within you..." 

- Ezekiel 36:26

*Names changed to protect privacy.

** Update: Less than an hour after this blog was posted, the $95.00 needed for Pamela's business start-up was generously donated. However, her son is still up for sponsorship at our school. If you are interested in helping sponsor her son for $39/mo or $468/year, please email me! We have many new children looking for sponsors this year. You can be the one the Lord uses to change not only a child's life, but an entire family!

You. More of You.

As I kneel down by my bed at the end of a long day, as I sit down in my office and close my eyes, as I pause before entering a classroom to discipline a child, as I drive out to Casa Monte Plata on my pasola, I bow my heart to pray.

I begin to pray, and the only words that come are "You. You, Lord. You. More of You." For the past several weeks, my heart was literally unable to pray anything else. The only words that came to my mind or my lips every time I wanted to pray were "You. More of You."

At first I thought that I was just lacking motivation. Then I thought about my life, the things I was trying to pray about, the experiences I was processing, and I knew that I definitely wasn't at a fault for significant reasons to pray. Then I thought that maybe I was just having a mental block and if I journaled a little more, different words would come. They didn't. "You. More of You God." That was the only thing my heart was able to say.

Finally I began to meditate on those words and actually, meaningfully pray them.

• When you proudly send a young woman away from your residential facility and into the real world, "You. More of You, God." Give more of Yourself to her as she navigates these huge changes and more of Yourself to her family here who is left behind.

• When you feel attacked and betrayed in a meeting and you don't know whether it's a personal, cultural, lingual, or professional misunderstanding, "You. More of You, God." I need more of You to understand this situation and respond in the way that You would. 

• When you say prepare to say the goodbye that no one talks about when a ministry partner and friend leaves the field, "You. More of You, God." Give us more of You to fill the holes that are left when You call your children somewhere else. 

• When you are holding on for dear life as transition-after-change-after-transition rocks your stable, comfortable grasp on life, "You. More of You, God." I've been holding on to steadiness of safety instead of looking for more of You. Give me You, God, no matter where it takes me. 

• When you try to look into an uncertain, unknown future and can barely see past the next few days, "You. More of You, God." Help more of You be enough to lead me to just the next step and no further, Lord. 

I waited patiently for the Lord;

     He inclined to me and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction,

     out of the miry bog,

and set my feet upon a rock,

     making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth,

     a song of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear,

     and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man who makes

     the Lord his trust,

who does not turn to the proud,

     to those who go astray after a lie!

You have multiplied, O Lord my God,

     Your wondrous deeds and Your thoughts towards us;

     none can compare with You!

I will proclaim and tell of them,

     yet they are more than can be told. 

-Psalm 40:1-5

Summer Update Newsletter

School is back in session and it's time for a ministry update! Please click the link below to see an electronic version of my summer newsletter. Many of you are already receiving a hard-copy in the mail, but for those of you who prefer to read online, here's your chance!

Summer Update Newsletter

1 Año

Today I celebrate 1 year in Monte Plata - 1 year of countless smiles, 1 year of countless tears, 1 year of unimaginable difficulties, 1 year of unimaginable joy, and 1 year of innumerable moments that have shown me more of Jesus and His Kingdom than I ever thought possible. 

Today I celebrate a million lessons learned. 

I celebrate the ongoing battle of me trying to manage my life and my ministry here on my own and God lovingly, yet forcefully, teaching me that I am not in control and will fail miserably without Him. 

I celebrate the limitless power of prayer that has so clearly been demonstrated in my life here throughout the past year. As John Piper says, prayer is a "wartime weapon," and it is the only weapon I've ever seen bring beautiful, restorative peace when used. 

I celebrate the lesson of thankfulness and the new discipline of thanking God for every piece of every difficult, stressful, and stretching situation. Ann Voskamp wrote "The feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving." In the most trying and darkest of situations, in the depths of loneliness, and through the demands of work that seem unfair or to go unnoticed, I celebrate the way God reveals more of Himself as I chose gratitude and, in turn, chose to joyfully trust.

I celebrate God's people. I celebrate the team of 80 friends who have faithfully supported me financially in this Kingdom work over the past year. I celebrate the hundreds more who consistently lift me up in prayer. I celebrate the hundreds of sponsors who enable our school and orphanage to function each day. I celebrate our little North American missionary team in Monte Plata (James, Rebekah, Alex, and I) and the much larger group of Dominicans who selflessly and sacrificially run our programs every day. I celebrate the groups and individuals who have visited us in Monte Plata and poured love, resources, and time into our ministry and into our kids. I celebrate Dad, Riley, Vicki, Paige, and Tricia getting to visit me from home and experience firsthand the great things God is doing here. 

Today I celebrate God's provisions and pray for more of His Body - the church - to answer His call to care for the poor, the outcast, the orphans, and the widows. I pray for more of His Spirit to fall in Monte Plata. Extreme poverty, lack of clean water, lack of medical care, and lack of access to education are real threats that seriously affect real people here in this city that I love. I think of a kind and obedient little boy who lost his life in a river while out gathering wood for his family's cooking fire and I mourn the unavoidable fact that if his family had owned a simple, inexpensive, gas-powered burner, he wouldn't have been out by that river. I pray for His Spirit to bring hope, opportunities, and life-change here. I ask that you join me.

Today I celebrate Jesus in me. I celebrate that He is the only good thing about me. I celebrate that His life, death, and resurrection are the only things that make everything I do worth doing. 

I celebrate that I get to do this all again. As of today, year 2 begins. New lessons, new battles, new prayers, new reasons to give thanks, new people, new provisions -  Same Jesus.